Recently I came to a sudden realization. I am really doing this…I am really going to become a teacher. It’s really overwhelming. I just look back and realize how far I have come in such a short amount of time. A year ago at this time I would have never thought I would even be in school at all much less doing as well as I am.
A year ago I had not interest in going back to school. I was supposed to go to Penn. State but by the end of my senior year of high school I was barley graduating. I had missed three times the amount of allotted absences. My vice principle had to fight for me to be able to graduate. After I graduated I informed Penn. State that I changed my mind and wouldn’t be coming. I was living with my boyfriend and I really did not want to leave him, which is probably the biggest mistake I ever made in my life. Left with nothing else to do all day, I had to get a job. I started working at Hooters full time (and no I did not wear a hoochy mama outfit to my interview). This was probably the huge turning point in my life. I had always been an extremely shy person and this completely changed that. It gave me confidence. I always had costumers who would come in, sit, and talk to me for hours. They would always tell me I was too smart and should be in school. One day it just hit me, that’s not the career path I wanted to take. I finally wanted so badly to be in school.
I decided to apply to Montclair and got in. I started in the spring of 2007. I kind of stumbled across what I was really passionate about. I have always been fascinated with history and there’s just something I find romantic about the past. I thought about what I really wanted to do with my life, where I could make a difference. I had a really hard adolescence and like that it hit me. I wanted to be in a high school teaching history and helping children get through some of the roughest times of their lives.
And now seven months later I finally see myself making my way towards this goal. I find myself incredibly motivated. I am doing very well. However, fear has now set it. I know I can get through school and become a teacher, but what’s going to happen after that. This class is scaring me more and more.
We’ve been learning a lot about demographics. Schools are so diverse. What if I am teaching in a school where non of my students are like me. How will I relate to them then? What if my students are poverty stricken and they can do their homework at night because they have no electricity in the house? How am I going to make them feel like I understand them? All of these thing are just scaring me to death. I am trying to figure out if I am going to be able to do this. I am so passionate about becoming a teacher. I already have so many ideas for the classroom. I have a little book I put all my ideas for lesson plans, activate, and game in the classroom. I feel like I should be able to do it but I still can’t shake the fear. What if I just can’t do it?
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